I'm at work on another Saturday and I noticed that this shirt has a pattern of Orange, White, Black, White, Pink, White, Orange, White, Green, White, Red, White, Black, White, Orange, White, Pink, White, Black, White, Red, White, Black, White stripes. That alone would have qualified it for the blog, I'm sure... but I've lost so much weight that I don't wear this one in during the week as it's kind'a oversized. Still, since it's not a repeat, I figured I'd throw it up on the blog.



Oh look, it's a Tommy Hilfiger; not a 70's shirt at all!

In other news, I think I fixed the webcam.

So, I wear in what I felt was a "Friday" shirt, but it's my haircut that gets all the buzz. My excuse? In honor of the election Locks of Love is now more environmentally conscious, and apparently a Opossum had a terrible accident... or is that an Opossum?

Note: The exposure is a little over-red here. Go figure.


...anyway, the deed is done.

And that's all I have to say.

I don't know why they hate these shirts, or even if they do hate them. I know that they point and laugh. I know that Jerrell said "That shirt has game... as in, if you need to play you can take it off and throw it on the table and play."

It took me five minutes of setting changes on the webcam to get this picture. You think the last few have been trouble... this one looked like a 1960s television broadcast of a large crowd.

This shirt is yesterday's shirt, but its molting. Tomorrow it will grow into a bigger and more colorful shirt. This may explain why there have been no duplicate shirts yet. The shirts must be breeding in Paul's closet and producing shirt offspring of brilliant colors and textures unbeknownst to Paul and his family. We actually decided to put this theory to scientific scrutiny and began our search in the dryer (the most obvious hiding place for tiny shirts). Click here to see what we found. Now that we found one we are sure that there must be a breeding population of shirts in the house, but we have decided to let Paul decide how to best handle the situation. No one wants to come between an angry mother shirt and her baby shirt.

We have also included a picture of Paul's boots today. Paul heard the word grunge yesterday and got waaaaaay too excited. He actually broke out corduroys and these boots to add to the statement made by the shirt. What none of has the heart to tell Paul was that the shirt was too ugly even for grunge! Well he knows now. When Paul said 'You have to see my boots', I had this instantaneous mental image of Paul wearing Jack Boots to work and I was actually afraid to look down. It turns out that Paul's taste in footwear is not even in the same league as his taste in shirts because these boots are actually socially acceptable.

Tomorrow is crocktoberfest here at Link Computer Corporation and Paul has hinted at wearing a costume and the only thought that went through my head was 'What the hell have you been wearing for the past year?'

Today's shirt and its wearing is concerning on many levels. My concern started because Paul saw the picture of Lee Majors in yesterday's post and said 'Hey, I have that shirt!'. Now I am not sure what is more sad, the fact that Paul has the shirt, the fact that Paul knows he has the shirt, or the fact that Paul wore the shirt today to make a point. To further clarify the subtlety of what was just said: the point that Paul is trying to make is 'I really do own that horrible looking shirt that Lee Majors is wearing in that picture taken in 1976'.

My next level of concern is that this blog has been going on for two weeks and we have yet to see a duplicate. Now this is good for the blog, but it makes me wonder what Paul's closet looks like. Maybe when can prompt him into a picture of that. It could be scary, but it would be like watching a train wreck.

I am poking fun at this shirt for being from the 1970's, but I must be honest, this was not my first thought. If you throw in an over-sized belt, some torn jeans, a black t-shirt, and messy hair (ok Paul already has this one) then this is pure GRUNGE!

I was conflicted about Friday’s shirt and what it meant to this blog. Somewhere in the deepest recesses of the normal mind, Friday’s shirt provided a dim light of hope. That light was faintly flickering with the thought that maybe Paul was capable and willing to return to a normal sense of attire that he had not experienced since the 1970’s. As the flame of hope slowly highlighted the face of my despair and concern for the future of this blog, it erupted into an inferno consuming all thoughts of normality with today’s fashion statement of a shirt. So with my concerns forever charred, I am gleefully looking forward to tomorrow’s ensemble.

Jason hit this shirt on the head with his thoughts of engineering paper. I really wish I had thought of that! My first thought, however, was of Colonel Steve Austin. I do not even know where the thought came from, but I found myself thinking, “We can rebuild it. We have the technology” You almost need to have some sound effect in your head when you look at Paul’s shirt or I am convinced that you will sacrifice at least a few brain cells. My new sound effect is the “tw tw tw” sound from The Six Million Dollar Man. Notice I said new sound effect (yes I have be thwarting the degenerative nature of Paul’s shirt for awhile). My old sound effect was Bill Cosby’s sound effect for his go-cart: “nah nah nah nah …nah!” I just realized how poorly sound carries through the digital medium, so go listen…..it is much better. But I diverge, back to rebuilding of the shirt. After thinking that thought through to its ultimate death spiral, I realized just how futile that prospect is. These shirts have very little upside in their future. Maybe a Halloween custom here, a rag there, or even a kid’s club house flag to warn the girls away, but they have ceased being productive ingredients in today’s society….except to fuel this blog!

Posted by Integral Differentiator Jason Ibrahim

Am I the only one here who has had the privilege of taking a math/science course that required work be done on engineering paper? I would go to the college bookstore a couple times a semester and pick up a wad of this stuff, do my work and hand it in. Usually, it would return looking like my GPA had waged a bloody, unsuccessful campaign on its pages. For some reason though, I still look back with fondness.

You see, it wasn't just graph paper. Your standard graphing paper had a white background and blue lines. Not only did the engineering paper have special places for your name, course name, instructor, and last will and testament, it was also a joy to behold in its pale green background and bright green lines. These always made me feel like I was calculating the angles of artillery trajectories necessary to overwhelm the Enemy Base, but usually Train A made it to Chicago well before Train B, without the help of either Harrison Ford or his physics-enthused sidekick.

When I saw Paul wearing The Shirt this morning, all those feelings came flooding back. Thanks for the memories.

I walked into work this morning and half a dozen people went from smiles to frowns as I took off my coat. I think it was Jack who said “At least he has some brand loyalty.” 

Everyday I am amazed with the ability to produce a shirt just a little more abhorrent than the one chosen the day before. This one looks like someone ripped the fabric off an old chair and cut it to fit. I think this with little evidence, but I will tell you that there is a large button in the middle of the back that just doesn't belong there. Well that and the matching throw pillows in Paul's cube.

The close up actually looks like a fabric rendition of a set of neon lights. I not really sure what they would be advertising for, maybe prison, nah! That shirt in prison would only lead to bad things.

I just remembered where I saw this shirt or at least a close rendition: Saturday Night Fever! Just imagine if Paul would leave it unbuttoned to the navel with three or four large gold chains. {shiver} O.K. sorry for that mental image.

Paul has already shown his Green side in the post Blimey, but this takes nature prints to a new level. Again today we had an issue of the camera not wanting to focus on the ungodly shirt. I think we have scarred the camera for life and its days as a member of the photo journalistic community are numbered.The first picture you see is a result of this effect and it looks like Rembrandt painted his worst impressionist paintings right on Paul’s shirt. I know you are saying, Rembrandt was not an impressionist painter...well this is why!

If you sit in the presence of this shirt for any period of time you quickly start playing ‘find the hidden objects’. I don’t know why but you instinctively do it.

Wow, there’s a moose!
And there is a leaf.
Over there is a deer.
Is that fish bones or a fossilized fern?
Look a alligator sneaking in the background!

You could play this for hours, but you shouldn’t. I think there is some surgeon general warning about this actual activity.

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: Exposure to this shirt may cause you to play ‘find the hidden objects’

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: Playing ‘find the hidden objects’ on this shirt will make you more stupider than you were when you decided to look at the shirt

Well to wrap it up here is the actual view of the shirt, you decide, but this may have set a new bar for all other shirts to be measured by.

[Shirt of Amoeba Flame] - CURSED ITEM

By Special Correspondent Jason Ibrahim

If it ain't easy being green, lime must be impossible for everyone but Paul. In today's increasingly environmentally-conscious society, Paul's "greening" is earning the envy of a good many of his coworkers. Yes readers, this is the biggest bombshell in men's apparel since Jerry Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt made its debut. Or not.

NOTE: This shirt is made from 100% post-thrift store product.

Bruce's Update

First of all, thank you Jason for taking up the Shirt torch and running with it.

On a sad note I wanted to report that the post was late today because Paul had to attend a funeral for his aunt. Our condolences go out to him and his family in this time of loss.

Now to point out something that you might have skipped over while reading: “Paul had to attend a funeral”. Yes, we’re assuming that he wore that shirt as well. It is nice to know that Paul does not exclude his own family from the greater good brought about by the majestic power of the shirt.

The only thought I had when I saw this shirt was 'WHAT A TURD!’, the shirt, not Paul. We were cruising along just fine with the blog and then we get strafed with this earth tone statement of conformity that I call a turd!

But dude look at that tie! Combining that tie with any shirt of character greater than the turd would have surely caused a series of traffic accidents on the way to work. Think about the effects of adding this geometric monstrosity of a tie to the Qbert shirt, it may have ripped a hole in the space time continuum as we know it. So reluctantly I have to say good job Paul, the blog will take one for the greater good of humanity. That being said....

The color is still interesting, from a distance:
It appears to be suede but it’s not.
It appears shiny but it’s not.
It appears like it was stitched by a third world worker making $.03 a day and it was!

Rainbow...I was trying to think of something to say that would be more compelling…but really rainbow! Minus the munchkins, flying monkeys, and acidic water, we have a foundation for the Wizard of OZ. In the picture the shirt appears more pastel than it is in reality….in reality it is borderline painful on the loudness scale.

Someone really needs to figure out a way to make a striped shirt from a single piece of fabric. The stripes going multiple directions look like Walt Disney was in a car wreck.

In closing I will say: Jerrell this one is for you! For all the naysayers that thought that the blog would somehow diminish the quality (I used that descriptor loosely) of the shirts being worn, I remind you that “Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”

On the surface this shirt is not a typical shirt from the depths of the closet, but upon further inspection you may notice the fine stripes of a yellow color that could only be described as urine colored. I am not sure what this implies or further what it means, but suffice it to say this shirt must from now on be labeled 'pee'nstriped'.

Notice also that you can actually tell what time of the day the photo was taken....the wrinkles in the arm are a clear give away. We have to shoot for the morning; I like pristine shirts.