Today's shirt and its wearing is concerning on many levels. My concern started because Paul saw the picture of Lee Majors in yesterday's post and said 'Hey, I have that shirt!'. Now I am not sure what is more sad, the fact that Paul has the shirt, the fact that Paul knows he has the shirt, or the fact that Paul wore the shirt today to make a point. To further clarify the subtlety of what was just said: the point that Paul is trying to make is 'I really do own that horrible looking shirt that Lee Majors is wearing in that picture taken in 1976'. My next level of concern is that this blog has been going on for two weeks and we have yet to see a duplicate. Now this is good for the blog, but it makes me wonder what Paul's closet looks like. Maybe when can prompt him into a picture of that. It could be scary, but it would be like watching a train wreck.
I am poking fun at this shirt for being from the 1970's, but I must be honest, this was not my first thought. If you throw in an over-sized belt, some torn jeans, a black t-shirt, and messy hair (ok Paul already has this one) then this is pure GRUNGE!
I was conflicted about Friday’s shirt and what it meant to this blog. Somewhere in the deepest recesses of the normal mind, Friday’s shirt provided a dim light of hope. That light was faintly flickering with the thought that maybe Paul was capable and willing to return to a normal sense of attire that he had not experienced since the 1970’s. As the flame of hope slowly highlighted the face of my despair and concern for the future of this blog, it erupted into an inferno consuming all thoughts of normality with today’s fashion statement of a shirt. So with my concerns forever charred, I am gleefully looking forward to tomorrow’s ensemble.Jason hit this shirt on the head with his thoughts of engineering paper. I really wish I had thought of that! My first thought, however, was of Colonel Steve Austin. I do not even know where the thought came from, but I found myself thinking, “We can rebuild it. We have the technology” You almost need to have some sound effect in your head when you look at Paul’s shirt or I am convinced that you will sacrifice at least a few brain cells. My new sound effect is the “tw tw tw” sound from The Six Million Dollar Man. Notice I said new sound effect (yes I have be thwarting the degenerative nature of Paul’s shirt for awhile). My old sound effect was Bill Cosby’s sound effect for his go-cart: “nah nah nah nah …nah!” I just realized how poorly sound carries through the digital medium, so go listen…..it is much better. But I diverge, back to rebuilding of the shirt. After thinking that thought through to its ultimate death spiral, I realized just how futile that prospect is. These shirts have very little upside in their future. Maybe a Halloween custom here, a rag there, or even a kid’s club house flag to warn the girls away, but they have ceased being productive ingredients in today’s society….except to fuel this blog!
Everyday I am amazed with the ability to produce a shirt just a little more abhorrent than the one chosen the day before. This one looks like someone ripped the fabric off an old chair and cut it to fit. I think this with little evidence, but I will tell you that there is a large button in the middle of the back that just doesn't belong there. Well that and the matching throw pillows in Paul's cube.The close up actually looks like a fabric rendition of a set of neon lights. I not really sure what they would be advertising for, maybe prison, nah! That shirt in prison would only lead to bad things.
I just remembered where I saw this shirt or at least a close rendition: Saturday Night Fever! Just imagine if Paul would leave it unbuttoned to the navel with three or four large gold chains. {shiver} O.K. sorry for that mental image.
It might be hard to see, but look at the picture of the close-up version and you will see that the shirt has monkey pox. Actually I am not even sure what they are supposed to be, but they are way too orderly to be a disease. Nothing in nature appears this uniformly ugly; well except possibly the eyes on this fly.
On an interesting note: look closely and you will see that out of the three buttons in the picture….not a one MATCHES! After seeing the pattern on the shirt, I am thinking that this might actually be planned.
It is rumored that this shirt has been passed down through many ancestors because it is actually an original flag of the House Bourbon, which was smuggled out of France during the revolution. Now that I think about it, this shirt may have ultimately led to the French revolution. Just another shining example of French art (I cringed as I wrote that) making its way to our shores, whether we wanted it or not…not!
Cost: 300GP
This garment was crafted in an age long past with lore long forgotten (legend has it, by a blind tailor!). When worn the shirt emits an intense light(the equivalent of the sun divided by 1D8) that causes all within 50ft to save against fashion or immediately cower with effects the same as the Fear III spell. Once a day, the wear may cause the shirt to burst into flame, causing 6D6 damage to all within sight. Any one having the detect fashion skill, imediately becomes sick and will vomit in 1D4 rounds.
The sister piece to this item is the Cup of Frost. When placed together, as shown in the picture, the pair causes light to bend around the wearer.
Honestly this shirt is so bad, that the camera could not even focus on it. Really, this is too good for me to even make it up! Without the cup in the foreground we could not get a clear picture of the shirt. It must have been the camera’s way of saying “Ahhhh hell no!”
The pattern on this shirt is amazing, to think someone (other than Paul) actually said “wow, that looks really awesome…make me a shirt out of that!” This turns out to be Paul’s favorite shirt, so I am sure it will grace the blog again in no time (I know you cannot wait either)
Someone really needs to figure out a way to make a striped shirt from a single piece of fabric. The stripes going multiple directions look like Walt Disney was in a car wreck.
In closing I will say: Jerrell this one is for you! For all the naysayers that thought that the blog would somehow diminish the quality (I used that descriptor loosely) of the shirts being worn, I remind you that “Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”
Notice also that you can actually tell what time of the day the photo was taken....the wrinkles in the arm are a clear give away. We have to shoot for the morning; I like pristine shirts.
