Oh look, it's a Tommy Hilfiger; not a 70's shirt at all!
In other news, I think I fixed the webcam.
Note: The exposure is a little over-red here. Go figure.
...anyway, the deed is done.
It took me five minutes of setting changes on the webcam to get this picture. You think the last few have been trouble... this one looked like a 1960s television broadcast of a large crowd.
This was turning out to be a fairly dull return of the shirt, but then we had a surprise visitor. She heard the talk about green plaid and felt she had something to add. When Dolly arrived however, the toy protectors of Paul’s cube thought her to be an intruder. They warned her and asked her to identify herself, but the only sound they heard was ‘ooooooh’ (not surprising with the shape of her mouth). We tried to intervene, but one protector grabbed her by the hair and the other ripped her arm from her single handed grasp. When last seen the protectors were giggling and heading towards the guys restroom. The protectors have been back for a little over an hour now, but there is no sign of little Dolly. Maybe it is time to alert Nancy Grace.
As was said before, this is my favorite shirt. A few years ago I gained a lot of weight and I no longer fit into the Medium version. Rather than allowing depression to overtake me, my wife Cathy was able to locate an XL "replacement", and "The Shirt" lived on! While I've lost a great deal of the weight I had packed on, the Medium version of the shirt is now reserved for occasions such as this. That, and having two allows me to stare into the depths of the Amoeba Flame while the XL version is in the wash.
Oh no, I'm molting
Posted by Bruce Moser in baby shirts, boots, brown green, dark green, green, green green, grunge, jack boots, light green, molting, red, yellow green
We have also included a picture of Paul's boots today. Paul heard the word grunge yesterday and got waaaaaay too excited. He actually broke out corduroys and these boots to add to the statement made by the shirt. What none of has the heart to tell Paul was that the shirt was too ugly even for grunge! Well he knows now. When Paul said 'You have to see my boots', I had this instantaneous mental image of Paul wearing Jack Boots to work and I was actually afraid to look down. It turns out that Paul's taste in footwear is not even in the same league as his taste in shirts because these boots are actually socially acceptable.
Tomorrow is crocktoberfest here at Link Computer Corporation and Paul has hinted at wearing a costume and the only thought that went through my head was 'What the hell have you been wearing for the past year?'
My next level of concern is that this blog has been going on for two weeks and we have yet to see a duplicate. Now this is good for the blog, but it makes me wonder what Paul's closet looks like. Maybe when can prompt him into a picture of that. It could be scary, but it would be like watching a train wreck.
I am poking fun at this shirt for being from the 1970's, but I must be honest, this was not my first thought. If you throw in an over-sized belt, some torn jeans, a black t-shirt, and messy hair (ok Paul already has this one) then this is pure GRUNGE!
Building a Better Shirt
Posted by Bruce Moser in Bill Cosby, blocks, Go-Cart, green, Steve Austin, stripes, yellow
Jason hit this shirt on the head with his thoughts of engineering paper. I really wish I had thought of that! My first thought, however, was of Colonel Steve Austin. I do not even know where the thought came from, but I found myself thinking, “We can rebuild it. We have the technology” You almost need to have some sound effect in your head when you look at Paul’s shirt or I am convinced that you will sacrifice at least a few brain cells. My new sound effect is the “tw tw tw” sound from The Six Million Dollar Man. Notice I said new sound effect (yes I have be thwarting the degenerative nature of Paul’s shirt for awhile). My old sound effect was Bill Cosby’s sound effect for his go-cart: “nah nah nah nah …nah!” I just realized how poorly sound carries through the digital medium, so go listen…..it is much better. But I diverge, back to rebuilding of the shirt. After thinking that thought through to its ultimate death spiral, I realized just how futile that prospect is. These shirts have very little upside in their future. Maybe a Halloween custom here, a rag there, or even a kid’s club house flag to warn the girls away, but they have ceased being productive ingredients in today’s society….except to fuel this blog!
Posted by Integral Differentiator Jason Ibrahim
Am I the only one here who has had the privilege of taking a math/science course that required work be done on engineering paper? I would go to the college bookstore a couple times a semester and pick up a wad of this stuff, do my work and hand it in. Usually, it would return looking like my GPA had waged a bloody, unsuccessful campaign on its pages. For some reason though, I still look back with fondness.
You see, it wasn't just graph paper. Your standard graphing paper had a white background and blue lines. Not only did the engineering paper have special places for your name, course name, instructor, and last will and testament, it was also a joy to behold in its pale green background and bright green lines. These always made me feel like I was calculating the angles of artillery trajectories necessary to overwhelm the Enemy Base, but usually Train A made it to Chicago well before Train B, without the help of either Harrison Ford or his physics-enthused sidekick.
When I saw Paul wearing The Shirt this morning, all those feelings came flooding back. Thanks for the memories.
Corporate Conformity
Posted by Paul in blue, green, John Daly, Link Computer, official Pauls Shirt, orange, peach, post-it notes, stripes
So, anyway, it’s time for someone to tell the tale of how this blog started. It happened at LinkUp, and it’s obvious there was beer involved.
Bruce's Post:
Hang on skippy, that's a story for another bad shirt day, but a good story it is nonetheless. Paul is right he let all of us Shirt Followers down by donning the official garb of a Link Computer employee. And as much as I appreciate the ‘brand loyalty’, it was a letdown for any day, but for a Friday, it was almost unforgiveable … almost.
First let me start by saying that the peach shirt and striped shirt referenced by Paul were borderline material or to put it another way: they are no Paul’s Shirt! But the blog must go on and it was easy to find the fuel to do so once I realized that the t-shirt being worn under the Link Computer garb, was no less than a Krispy Kream shirt.
We seem to have gotten some support for the blog in the way of an official Paul’s Shirt. There is some question as to the official nature of this shirt, considering the shirt is way too quiet to have anything to do with Paul, but I believe it was meant to be worn by the normal population in support of the abnormal Paul’s Shirt.
We also seem to have some copy cats out there, most notably is the guy wearing post-it notes on his shirt to simulate a Paul’s Shirt. Now, while this represents a valiant attempt, it falls far short of the Paul mark. Paul's shirt are typically 100% polyester or some other synthentic material from the 1970's, but never are there accessories added to the shirts.
On a final note (from the depths of my disappointment) I realized that things could be a lot worse. Imagine Paul showing up for work like John Daly to play golf below.
Nothing like Wearing a Chair
Posted by Bruce Moser in blur, chair, green, red, saturday night fever, yellow
The close up actually looks like a fabric rendition of a set of neon lights. I not really sure what they would be advertising for, maybe prison, nah! That shirt in prison would only lead to bad things.
I just remembered where I saw this shirt or at least a close rendition: Saturday Night Fever! Just imagine if Paul would leave it unbuttoned to the navel with three or four large gold chains. {shiver} O.K. sorry for that mental image.
Paul has already shown his Green side in the post Blimey, but this takes nature prints to a new level. Again today we had an issue of the camera not wanting to focus on the ungodly shirt. I think we have scarred the camera for life and its days as a member of the photo journalistic community are numbered.The first picture you see is a result of this effect and it looks like Rembrandt painted his worst impressionist paintings right on Paul’s shirt. I know you are saying, Rembrandt was not an impressionist painter...well this is why!
If you sit in the presence of this shirt for any period of time you quickly start playing ‘find the hidden objects’. I don’t know why but you instinctively do it.
Wow, there’s a moose!
And there is a leaf.
Over there is a deer.
Is that fish bones or a fossilized fern?
Look a alligator sneaking in the background!
You could play this for hours, but you shouldn’t. I think there is some surgeon general warning about this actual activity.
SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: Exposure to this shirt may cause you to play ‘find the hidden objects’
SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: Playing ‘find the hidden objects’ on this shirt will make you more stupider than you were when you decided to look at the shirt
Well to wrap it up here is the actual view of the shirt, you decide, but this may have set a new bar for all other shirts to be measured by.
The Shirt of Amoeba Flame +3
Posted by Bruce Moser in amoeba, cup, flame, frost, orange, red, yellow
Cost: 300GP
This garment was crafted in an age long past with lore long forgotten (legend has it, by a blind tailor!). When worn the shirt emits an intense light(the equivalent of the sun divided by 1D8) that causes all within 50ft to save against fashion or immediately cower with effects the same as the Fear III spell. Once a day, the wear may cause the shirt to burst into flame, causing 6D6 damage to all within sight. Any one having the detect fashion skill, imediately becomes sick and will vomit in 1D4 rounds.
The sister piece to this item is the Cup of Frost. When placed together, as shown in the picture, the pair causes light to bend around the wearer.
Honestly this shirt is so bad, that the camera could not even focus on it. Really, this is too good for me to even make it up! Without the cup in the foreground we could not get a clear picture of the shirt. It must have been the camera’s way of saying “Ahhhh hell no!”
The pattern on this shirt is amazing, to think someone (other than Paul) actually said “wow, that looks really awesome…make me a shirt out of that!” This turns out to be Paul’s favorite shirt, so I am sure it will grace the blog again in no time (I know you cannot wait either)
By Special Correspondent Jason Ibrahim
If it ain't easy being green, lime must be impossible for everyone but Paul. In today's increasingly environmentally-conscious society, Paul's "greening" is earning the envy of a good many of his coworkers. Yes readers, this is the biggest bombshell in men's apparel since Jerry Seinfeld's Puffy Shirt made its debut. Or not.
NOTE: This shirt is made from 100% post-thrift store product.
Bruce's Update
First of all, thank you Jason for taking up the Shirt torch and running with it.
On a sad note I wanted to report that the post was late today because Paul had to attend a funeral for his aunt. Our condolences go out to him and his family in this time of loss.
Now to point out something that you might have skipped over while reading: “Paul had to attend a funeral”. Yes, we’re assuming that he wore that shirt as well. It is nice to know that Paul does not exclude his own family from the greater good brought about by the majestic power of the shirt.
But dude look at that tie! Combining that tie with any shirt of character greater than the turd would have surely caused a series of traffic accidents on the way to work. Think about the effects of adding this geometric monstrosity of a tie to the Qbert shirt, it may have ripped a hole in the space time continuum as we know it. So reluctantly I have to say good job Paul, the blog will take one for the greater good of humanity. That being said....
The color is still interesting, from a distance:
It appears to be suede but it’s not.
It appears shiny but it’s not.
It appears like it was stitched by a third world worker making $.03 a day and it was!
Week 2 - Day 5 - Dorothy we're not in Kansas anymore!
Posted by Bruce Moser in blue, green, rainbow, red, walt disney, white, wizard of oz, yellow
Someone really needs to figure out a way to make a striped shirt from a single piece of fabric. The stripes going multiple directions look like Walt Disney was in a car wreck.
In closing I will say: Jerrell this one is for you! For all the naysayers that thought that the blog would somehow diminish the quality (I used that descriptor loosely) of the shirts being worn, I remind you that “Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”
Notice also that you can actually tell what time of the day the photo was taken....the wrinkles in the arm are a clear give away. We have to shoot for the morning; I like pristine shirts.
The Tome of Blouse
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2008
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October
(18)
- Return of the Amoeba Flame
- Oh no, I'm molting
- Sad, so very sad
- A man barely alive...
- Building a Better Shirt
- This One Doesn't Add Up
- Corporate Conformity
- Nothing like Wearing a Chair
- The Shirt has Monkey Pox!
- Can you find the hidden objects in the shirt?
- The Shirt of Amoeba Flame +3
- Blimey!
- Weak 2 - Day 6 - Turds Away
- Week 2 - Day 5 - Dorothy we're not in Kansas anymore!
- Week 2 - Day 4 - Urine for a good one!
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October
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